I find the identity part so true! It's a beautiful explanation on the ironies of marriage and how the negative stereotypes of marriage can be avoided by us choosing to what we want our own marriage to mean!
I completely understand the social pressures and expectations that people put on your marriage, telling you or implying the way in which each of you should behave. But your marriage is your own, whatever works for you and Shiv, and no one else.
As you say, there’s a superior level of commitment when you decide to sign those documents as legally you become entangled, but I decide to see that as a good thing that it does make you more secure, because not only you can travel and be finally together if you move to another country, but you are also allowed everywhere to decide or claim anything for him in case he needs you to. And for the worse and the better you are the first in line in any issue concerning him. That makes you the most important person.
I know probably between you both this was already like that, but in the event of unforeseen circumstances you wouldn’t have had the legal power to act as THE PERSON.
So being a husband and a wife, for me is that. There’s more responsibility and yeah, also more freedom, a different kind of freedom.
I got married before really considering all the implications and it’s something that has been in my mind for a while. But I am still me and the partner I was it’s just a previous version of the improved version of partner I am now. Maybe a spouse is a partner 2.0 haha
It’s on us to be the wives we want to be, and whatever society try to impose on us it’s only what they’re imposing on themselves (or their wives). It’s on them to figure out an equal arrangement of issues in their marriages and we can only share our experiences and advocate for women empowerment. Our husbands will stand by us.
PS. Culturally we don’t change our surnames over marriage in Spain so when people ask, it gives me the opportunity to explain we have two surnames (our father’s and our mother’s -now the order can be either of them first- ) and I find that quite beautiful :)
I think things become complicated when we start labeling them. What works for you is absolutely your choice, it may not work for others. Each human being is unique. No one should be judging others for what they do and what works for them in their relationship
So so true! Unfortunately, society has become about labeling, and thus the need to label me the wife suddenly. Before I was partner, girlfriend, anything... It wasn't important. I wish we could live in a society that doesn't label and judge too!
I think nothing that you mentioned changes, except that you live your life in accordance with the rules created by Allah. If 1 decides to be a partner, not a wife, then many more will use the same rationale. Then society will disintegrate.
I'm loving these comments! Yes, Cristina, you are very right on the other privileges you get when you become the wife and its an added bonus!
I find the identity part so true! It's a beautiful explanation on the ironies of marriage and how the negative stereotypes of marriage can be avoided by us choosing to what we want our own marriage to mean!
Absolutely!
I completely understand the social pressures and expectations that people put on your marriage, telling you or implying the way in which each of you should behave. But your marriage is your own, whatever works for you and Shiv, and no one else.
As you say, there’s a superior level of commitment when you decide to sign those documents as legally you become entangled, but I decide to see that as a good thing that it does make you more secure, because not only you can travel and be finally together if you move to another country, but you are also allowed everywhere to decide or claim anything for him in case he needs you to. And for the worse and the better you are the first in line in any issue concerning him. That makes you the most important person.
I know probably between you both this was already like that, but in the event of unforeseen circumstances you wouldn’t have had the legal power to act as THE PERSON.
So being a husband and a wife, for me is that. There’s more responsibility and yeah, also more freedom, a different kind of freedom.
I got married before really considering all the implications and it’s something that has been in my mind for a while. But I am still me and the partner I was it’s just a previous version of the improved version of partner I am now. Maybe a spouse is a partner 2.0 haha
It’s on us to be the wives we want to be, and whatever society try to impose on us it’s only what they’re imposing on themselves (or their wives). It’s on them to figure out an equal arrangement of issues in their marriages and we can only share our experiences and advocate for women empowerment. Our husbands will stand by us.
PS. Culturally we don’t change our surnames over marriage in Spain so when people ask, it gives me the opportunity to explain we have two surnames (our father’s and our mother’s -now the order can be either of them first- ) and I find that quite beautiful :)
I absolutely love that!
I think things become complicated when we start labeling them. What works for you is absolutely your choice, it may not work for others. Each human being is unique. No one should be judging others for what they do and what works for them in their relationship
So so true! Unfortunately, society has become about labeling, and thus the need to label me the wife suddenly. Before I was partner, girlfriend, anything... It wasn't important. I wish we could live in a society that doesn't label and judge too!
I think nothing that you mentioned changes, except that you live your life in accordance with the rules created by Allah. If 1 decides to be a partner, not a wife, then many more will use the same rationale. Then society will disintegrate.