Wife or Partner?

Legal complications becoming social complications...

How does it feel to be married? This question has been asked by every other person to me. How am I supposed to feel? I ask myself.

I have been dating my partner for more than 5 years and have been living with him for more than 3 years now. We love each other, live together, clean together, cook together, work together, travel together and love and crave each other’s company. Is signing a legal document supposed to change that now? The trauma of my past marriage runs my mind on an overdrive taking a checklist of everything that has happened after the marriage until now… has something changed? Because it has been beautiful until now (not that we don’t have any arguments or differences), I can only imagine it changing for the worse and not the better.

Well no, nothing has changed! If marriage was supposed to give me security, I have always felt the most safe in this relationship. If marriage was supposed to make me feel stuck, I feel even more free and independent. If marriage was our ticket to live together, we already do! What has changed for us though, is that now we are legally bound and thus will be able to be together, travel together, move to a new country together, and be on each other’s insurance cards!

Having said this, unfortunately, I see many things changing around me socially. There is a certain performance now that has to be put up because we are a married couple?! People now jokingly refer to me as Mrs. Sadashiv. What happened to my identity? How did I suddenly lose who I am? People expect me to take care of his needs now, what he will eat, what he prefers and does not prefer, whether will he go shower now, and if his clothes are ready and all these crazy normal life activities that one ought to do for oneself. Which, not only he is very capable of, but also does not need me to communicate for him.

What irks me the most is that we make men stupid but important. Mind you, this is all our doings. Us, women! I think the worst of the lot was when I was suffering from food poisoning but expected to help in the kitchen being told, “Oh, she’s not sick!” but he was told to go chill when came to contribute.

In my opinion, if marriage makes the love worse, I’d rather have been single. But, the idea of us being married, not having to stress about various legal documents, and the relief that we could go anywhere together (no long distances any more!) makes me the happiest! If I were to get legally complicated with anyone, I am so glad I chose him to do that with. But, I choose to be a partner, not a wife!