The white hair saga

Are we not allowed to grow old?

When I read posts on the feminist channels about letting our hair grow, choosing to wax or not, colour our hair or not… I felt like this isn’t as big a deal as they make it to be…. Until… I had to go through it myself.

If you have seen me, I have proudly flaunted my white hair for a few years. With every year passing, these white hair keep increasing in number and thus show out more and more. People have told me in passing, “Do you not colour your hair?” but it did not bother me much before. Now, it seems like everyone has a problem with it. I’m told, “It doesn’t suit your face. Your face looks so young and your hair so old.” “Isn’t it high time you got it coloured?!” “Come to me, I’ll do it for free.” “You should colour it at least for your wedding!” One lady went to the extent to say, “If I was living in the same house as you, I’d colour it while you were sleeping.”

It leaves me wondering where all this obsession with ‘not ageing’ comes from. And how much is this gender-biased? I have many friends whose hair I have admired so much, and when I had this conversation, they said they were not comfortable leaving out their white hair yet. Colouring hair is common in both, men and women but I have only noticed so much judgment around women (by women). Men with white hair are called sporting the ‘salt and pepper look’, a big belly is called a ‘dad bod’ to the disgusting fact that they’re objectified and sexualised. But the objectification of women is limited to very slim, young, long perfect hair, with big boobs but a tiny waist, big booty but no cellulite, etc etc etc. The amount of pressure that is put on women to be a certain type without being ourselves is shocking!

So my perspective on this now has changed. I do think those feminist pages are correct. Society should not tell you what you can or cannot do with your body. Colour your white hair, wax your body hair, pluck your eyebrows, look fresh after a whole day of work for your man, smell great even in your vagina, wax your pubic hair, colour your nails, wear corsets, wear heels… no STOP just STOP!!!!

The beauty industry wants to make money out of selling us insecurities. Different types of colours for hair, then shampoos and conditioner for those coloured hair. Add hair masks, serums, damage therapy, anti-aging creams and the list is endless. Will it really stop us from ageing? NO! Ageing is but a natural process of the body. While I am not against anyone using these creams, or waxing their hair. Hell, even I like to do all this sometimes. But, they should not be paired with any insecurities. They should not be projecting shame on women to own their bodies. We are not broken, ugly or dirty that needs fixing. We are whole and complete in ourselves, just unique and different. Anything else is added on top. Hairy legs are great! and waxed legs are great too! Black hair is gorgeous and so is grey hair!

To my fellow women, I already have many insecurities with my body. Sometimes I don’t like my belly, sometimes my thighs, or the cellulite on the thighs, sometimes it’s my surgery scar that runs right in front of my belly. Sometimes I find my face too chubby, my double chin really weird or many other things. But in all of these, I like my hair! I really like my hair! With all its grey strokes, its age and the sophistication it gives me. I like it! So while I work on accepting and loving my body as it is, don’t make me hate the parts I already like.

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A lovely poem by Rupi Kaur on ageing…

"i often daydream about the woman i'll be
when i leave the rush of
my insecure twenties
and pick up self-assurance on the way
i can't wait to make
my eighteen-year-old self jealous
of the hell i raise
roaring into my thirties and forties
my soul becoming
more potent with age
at fifty i'll sit with
my wrinkles and silver hair
laughing about the adventures
we've had together
talking about the countless more
in the decades ahead
what a priviledge it is
to grow into the 
finest version of myself

aging - rupi kaur