Who pays the bill on a date?

The guy or a shared?

This has been a long-standing debate in many cultures for a while now. Traditionally, women did not work, did not have access to funds and freedom to go out on their own and thus men paid all bills on dates. But this also meant that men called the shots. It was expected that because they paid the bill, they’d get laid after or whatever they wanted. And that was similar in households, where men paid the bills and thus women cooked, cleaned, reared the children, and took care of their physical appearance just for the sake of looking pretty for their husbands. The more women started working, understanding themselves and their rights better, they stopped taking the date as an exchange for s*x. Women started speaking up for themselves, not being treated as an object that would be treated however in exchange for financial upkeep. Of course, then the debate started. Who should pay the bills? In the house? On dates?

I’ve seen strong views on this debate and would love to hear your thoughts on them. A post I read a while ago, was about a woman who gave a bill of $50,000 to her husband if she were to bear his child. This list of expenses coming up to that figure was from the fact that their whole life they paid exactly half of each expense in the house, (while she earned much less than her male partner) and she had calculated paying exactly half of the child’s upkeep but charging him for the time lost in her career while caring for the child. On the other extreme, you hear women going, I spent $400 on my skincare, dress, nails, etc to look pretty, the least you can do is pay the bill.

I, for many years, whenever dated, paid exactly half of the bill whenever I went on dates. But I earned 20% or less of the salary the guys would have and that meant that every date outside would cost me a huge chunk of my eating-out budget, but would mean a normal night out for them. I would plan dates sparsely thinking of my budget, what activities I could do, and what I would order on a date night out. I have been out on friends nights with only water just for socializing and then getting home hungry.

Being now financially dependent on my partner, I sometimes have huge guilt about any expenses I make on myself, say buying a dress or going to a painting class. We both take care of the house similarly sharing duties of cooking, cleaning, etc and somehow due to generational understanding and trauma on patriarchy, this leaves me constantly guilty that I don’t contribute to the relationship enough.

Recently, I have begun earning around 10% of his earnings, and without any hesitation, I immediately spend it on us. It’s the least I can do, I think. But what caught my thought the other day was how there would always be a thought of a plan for the men’s earnings and a natural spending on the women’s earnings. What is amazing is that, we have always treated it as our responsibility as a couple together and not just limited to one person’s earnings or the other. Nevertheless, I think about it a lot.

What’s your take and understanding of this? Maybe I will write a follow up on this article on what my views are.