What does productivity look like for you?

This world of capitalism and hustle culture has taught us we’re only productive when making money, working towards making money, participating in the rat race of work, stress, etc. This week, I struggled with that. My university classes have not officially started yet - although I have lots of prep work to do. I was not feeling chirpy or energetic enough to do much. So instead, I have spent a lot of my time this week painting. It’s a newfound skill that I realised I am not so bad at. I used to love painting before and would feel this immense happiness and a sense of fulfilment when completing it. But this week, it wasn’t the case. I loved the sense of peace I had while doing the painting, but the feeling before and after was not of fulfilment but rather a guilt, a question, a regret. “Did I waste my whole afternoon just painting? It was not like a fun-filled event with friends and wine or anything. It was just go sit and paint. Just get immersed in the colours and patterns and the details. The only thing I was worried about at that time, is not to let the paint smudge.

In reality, if I take account of what I do throughout the day, it is not that I have not done anything. But in my head, spending a few hours a day painting, consequently for 3 days made me feel like I wasted time. No studying, no prepping for studying, no learning, no listening to podcasts or reading informative books. It was a week where I just was. Existed and enjoyed my existence. Then why did I feel so guilty about it?

Today as I sit to write this, I realize that existing, if having the privilege to, is not a crime that I need to feel guilty about. I was able to, I absolutely loved the process of painting, working on the tiny minute details of the picture and adding my own flavour to it. I rested, I took time to do things slowly and I worked on other stuff.

The reason why I am sharing this with you all, is that society has really tuned us into thinking resting is laziness, doing things for your soul without a specific purpose to it a waste of time and resources. Ofcourse, in this capitalist world, resources is everything and they need to be used to their best potential. I think your mind is your best resource and thus taking care of it, is not waste but an investment. So go for that walk, sit and do that meditation, paint, play a silly game, do things just because you want to not because it will bring some returns.