The feminine guilt

Is it 'just' my job?

I have seen men all my life sit on their backsides while the women head to the kitchen to make sure the family is fed. Whether you are both relaxed, or both tired, it has been the woman who thinks that hunger is her problem to solve in the house. Cranky or tired children are her responsibility to put them to sleep or a loud noise or silence needs to be checked in a house full of children. I always imagined what it would feel like if the women had a chance to sit and talk and chill while the men for a change went into the kitchen to get her and her friends some snacks. Sounds so wrong isn’t it? Sounds like women just want to sit and make the men do all the work.

Anyways, coming to my life, sometimes it feels like that. I study, do lots of volunteering work, and sometimes land a gig or two to earn me some money. For the moment, I am financially dependent on my partner. When it comes to housework, we clean together on weekends, we cook together most meals, and we take care of our pet Chinar together. There are no chores that I have to do or he has to. We both do them because they are supposed to be done. But most of the time, we are always doing it “together.” Now that’s an amazing thing, and there’s nothing to feel guilty about. But here me out….

A few days ago, at around 7 am when we were both in bed, we heard a loud noise and then a crash! We both got alerted and he rushed to see what it was - I thought Chinar must have dropped something and broken it. I was more sleepy and did not think much about it. But because he ran out, I felt the need to get up - but I did not. He said a glass bowl had fallen and broken. Should I come? I asked. “No, it’s okay. I’ll clean it. If you come, then wear a pair of slippers. The glass is everywhere.” The urge to get up was extremely strong - I stayed with it and wondered. Why do I have the urge to help so huge even while it is a small thing he is very capable of managing on his own? Would he have the same urge to help if I would have said it’s okay? I recalled every time he did some housework and I had a sense of guilt and left everything to go help. The guilt that I shouldn’t be making him do this - or we should be cleaning together, cooking together, washing together. I don’t have the liberty to work or chill while he does some housework - even if he has chosen to or doesn’t want the help.

I realized how ingrained these stereotypical rules are in our lives that women can’t take a backseat even if they wanted to. While women work, men easily go sit and relax, watch TV, or have the liberty to just be on their phones. Now you may come at me and say that women also don’t do a lot of housework nowadays. Everyone has house-help and much housework gets done by them. But have you ever thought that even the mental work of getting the work done by the house-help is the woman’s? So while I will enjoy doing the housework of my house with my partner as always, I am going to work towards not feeling guilty when he does it while I sometimes take a break or have an important meeting to attend.