“I’m happy you’ve finally settled down.” This is something I’ve heard from many people after my marriage. What suddenly changed in my life that people are now happy for me? Were they not happy for me when I was not married? coz I was! This brings me to this thought, “What does it mean to be settled?” I asked Google and it told me ‘to settle means to stay in one place, have a house, one partner, etc. without moving around too much.’ Right now, I am married to my partner of 5 years and living a beautiful life in Arusha. I am studying and I have a plan to study for the next 2-3 years. So it seems to everyone that I am definitely ‘settled’. On my social media, I show myself spending more time at home, cooking, working, stitching, having coffee on my balcony and doing the very normal things that people do. But how did I suddenly become settled by getting married?
I have been living in a house with the same partner for the last 3 years. I have been studying for more than a year. Yes, it’s only now that I have been spending more time at home because we live quite far away from town. Was I not ‘settled’ since then? Maybe settling down means having a plan for the future because if you had asked me a few years back, I constantly did not have a plan. I always lived a life based on ‘we’ll see where life takes us.’ I dreamt big but worked on the now!
Of course, this settled feeling gives me a lot of sense of security and a space to work on my aspirations, but did I not have those aspirations even while not settled is not true. I absolutely miss living that life in the moment! I absolutely miss living in a space where I could say yes to the craziest of things. Remember my travel escapade? I would love to go back to that life anytime! Now, I have to think of my study deadlines, my pet’s schedules, my partner’s schedules and willingness to join, etc etc. Travelling, moving around, and the unsettledness gave me a whole new perspective on life. It meant that I learnt new things daily. I encountered uncomfortable situations daily. I questioned my existence and my privileges daily. I loved it!
But, life is very long and nope I do not plan to be settled in this way forever. Life is full of opportunities and this world is big and vast. No! I am not settled and will not settle! To settle for me is to live in your comfort zone and thus stop learning, stop facing fears and stop new opportunities. To settle is to compromise on your life and happiness for the sake of others or your bigger aspirations. To settle is to not move and that’s something I refuse to do! Where I will go, and what I will do in a few years, I do not know. But one thing I do know is that as amazing as my life is right now, it will definitely not remain this way in a few years. To me, settling is boring. Life is an adventure, don’t settle but LIVE!
What does settling down mean for you?
This really resonates with me. I think life moves in phases and having a more chilled out, slower period definitely doesn’t necessarily mean settling down. Sometimes it’s good to root down for a little while to get ready for the next adventure :) Great piece of writing!