Not financially independent

yet a feminist

One thing I keep advocating for and most women who work in empowering other women is to be financially independent. But for a few years, since I took up studying, I am not financially independent. This seems a little off from what I advocate for. And this is also something that I sometimes feel insecure about.

Hear me out, why. For years, I associated financial independence with other independence. When I was living with my parents, I had to do what they asked me to do. In my previous marriage, as my partner was the main breadwinner, I had to do what he asked me to do. I associated independence completely with financial independence. Once I broke out of that cycle, I worked extremely hard changing careers, working overtime, skipping meals and just saving every little that I could. I found my independence through finance and I was absolutely happy about it. I travelled, I experienced life, I climbed mountains, I bungee jumped, I learnt different sports, I said yes to so many experiences through financial independence. I also paid my bills for dates, excused myself from where I didn’t want to be, booked my rides, became a pro boda rider, and learnt taekwondo to make sure no one took advantage of me for being dependent on them. This is how I took back my independence. And that is why I advocate for it so much!

But now, I am not financially independent. I quit my job a few years ago and enrolled myself into a bachelor’s degree program. Studying was something that had been an unfulfilled need of mine that I needed to fulfil. This decision was made by me and supported and encouraged by my partner who would have to pay for it and our upkeep. Now and then a nagging voice in my head says at times, what if you have lost the independence because you’re not financially independent now? This trauma reaction is a nag at times and can create huge havoc on my mind until I remind myself that this is “my choice” and not chosen for me by someone else. AND THAT is basically what is called agency.

I am not any less of a feminist if I choose to be dependent on my partner for finances because I have the choice to live life on my terms.

Why am I telling you all this? Because recently, I had a friend comment saying “Oh feminist but needs money from the partner.” And my trauma response immediately fired to tell me to fight that! But now I know better and I know I cannot change that thinking. But I also know that we think of feminism as these bold, independent women working hard and being overachievers and able to do everything themselves. Or feminism as being haters of men, having children, or marriage. But that is not feminism either. Feminism is having the agency and respect to do exactly what one wants to do and when one wants to do it, without being susceptible to cultural, financial, and mental constraints (just like men).

Ok rant over… next week I’ll write on how women have taken this to another level and it’s only promoting the toxic patriarchy as we know it instead of fighting it. Comments and debates are absolutely welcome!