Living a full life

and the pressure of it

I have lived a lot of experiences in this short life of 38 years. I got married when I was 19, lived in Dubai for 7 years, had two beautiful girls, got divorced 10 years after my marriage, went through depression, did Taekwondo for a year, did Zumba for a bit, went to learn cricket at some point (that didn’t go to well). In this exploring phase, I also started solo traveling, met a whole load of people, a whole load of experiences and decided to pack my life and backpack around South Asia for a year. Came back after 16 months, broke, with a lighter backpack then I went but with my camera and memories full of experiences. Life changed after, I couldn’t fit again into the corporate world. I learnt what the social world looks like, did alot of volunteering, and campaigning and advocating and now finally I am studying to achieve my first undergraduate degree of my life!

The fact that I have 38 years of a very full life in one paragraph does no justice to it but this is to tell you at the least, that I have had this short life full of BIG experiences.

Amazing right? but now what?

That’s my fear. When I was recently told by a friend that I have lived such a full life it felt like a pressure! And it feels like a pressure every day! Sitting in my very comfortable home, having an amazing partner, waking up every day and the goal of the day is just to study feels very mediocre. It feels like what if life from now is mediocre? What if it’s not as full as it was? Full of experiences, full of learning, full of fun? but then, it also came with a lot of hardships, a lot of pain, a lot of struggle. So, what do I want from life? I do not know! I do hope though life next is full of life! Dreams, hope, understanding, learning, love, friendships, And while I know mediocrity is only how I perceive my life to be, it is never that!

What do you guys think? Does life ever feel mediocre to you?