Is being a woman really that hard?

or are women just exaggerating?

During an interesting conversation with my friend the other night, she said, “But at least we are safe.” That got me immediately thinking, “Are we ‘really’ safe?” The other day in broad daylight, on the motorbike, with my husband, while doing a few errands a motorbike rider came close to us and touched my thigh! After a huge ruckus, chase and a threat, we had to let go and head back home. This has given me anxiety enough that every time a motorbike rider rides next to us on the road, I am scared and on the edge. When I shared this on Instagram, I had someone write to me how she was teased so much by boda riders, while going to university, another who had her butt touched while on the boda and another who had her boobs touched. This we are talking about moving around in the city, in a fairly populated place with fairly privileged women.

A few years ago, I recall being catcalled in a very busy area in Dar-es-Salaam and there I was bold enough to fight back and tell him off. I thought it made all the difference and that was what we should do! Only then my friend shared how she was attacked by a motorbike rider and when she was bold enough to tell him off, he not only followed her but came at her at full speed stopping just right in front of her. He could’ve done anything to her then including killing her! Is there just any way we can live our lives without having to worry about our safety daily?

One can’t walk alone at night even if the destination is 5 mins from your home. One can’t visit doctors and physiotherapists alone. One can’t ride on a motorbike. One can’t go for a walk or a run alone. One can’t go out without thinking “Am I going to get catcalled in these clothes?”. One can’t go motorbiking and camping alone in secluded places for calmness but rather has to choose loud places for safety.

When you google women’s safety tools, you come up with pepper spray, flashlights, stun guns, whistle, etc. When you google men’s safety tools, it shows you industrial equipment that both men and women would need working in an industrial area. This makes us question how hard is it being a woman and how safe are we?

The next time you hear a woman complain about being a woman (and other genders), just know there are a lot more nuances in life they deal with which you would not even have generally thought of as a man.

Share your thoughts and your experiences of when you have stopped yourself from doing something just because you were a woman in fear of safety…