Heart broken men
Self-work is absolutely necessary!
One thing I have noticed in the recent few years is the fact that men are terrible at being single. They constantly want to be in a relationship and are heartbroken about why a woman would leave them. Even after going through tough breakups, and here I am not downplaying their emotions, the difference between a single man and a woman is that the former’s plan is to get into another relationship while the latter plans to do self-work. You’ll see women after breakups taking up new hobbies, learning new skills, working on their fitness, concentrating on their careers, and taking up new projects. They just put all their sadness and pain into other things. This is mainly because most of the time (not all), women are disadvantaged in the relationship and now they have figured that they have agency in their own life. In contrast, it feels like men were never brought up to be alone, but had all the agency in their life. What did they learn from the heartbreak? Just heartbreak!
This reminds me of when I decided to leave my marriage, even after having so many talks, asking for counselling sessions, and asking for time apart to work on the marriage, the only reaction I got was shock! Shock as to how I dared to leave him alone. To leave him to fend for himself. While I battled with depression, a few relationships, working on my career, on my fitness, and myself, he worked on looking for another partner.
This is my request to all the single men - to learn to be single for a while. It is a very liberating space to be. I am not saying dating or marriage is bad, hell who am I to say this, while being married myself? But, the point is, to spend some time alone, to work on oneself. Ponder, learn and know your inner self. Ask yourself the hard questions… did I do anything even subconsciously that would put my partner in a disadvantageous situation? What toxic behaviour did my partner display that I need not entertain at all? It does not mean that all women are right and only men are wrong. But it also means that when you take time to be conscious, you will understand what kind of behaviours are toxic that will help you stay away from such future issues. Go for therapy, talk to friends, and make talking about emotions a norm.
The worst of the lot is when men don’t work on themselves, keep dating very toxic women and then make the stereotype of all women being such kind. Women and men all go through a very shitty time during heartbreak. But the more I have observed and known people going through heartbreak, I only see this huge difference between these two genders and this is my request to you all.
Even if you have done nothing wrong, and the fault was your partners’, self-work is only beneficial to you and not harmful. Women, keep working on yourselves and don’t accept to date men who refuse to work on themselves. Self-growth starts from within.