Degree course is over. I’ve written all my papers and submitted them! Biting my teeth and waiting for the results…. Are the results coming now? nope… they will come after a good 2 months. What do I do until then? What do I do after that?
Oh yes, shit! We need to do what we were doing before starting that course. Working, earning money, finding a purpose, doing something productive, I don’t know! Just something. Apply for that internship, find a job, market your yoga, start your own practice, drive yourself to hear and there, meet people, network, do things! Do things! My mind is buzzing right now!! I don’t know what I want to do next. I don’t know what I ever wanted to do. Every time someone asked me that before, I told them, I don’t know - I just know what I don’t want to do. The world is so big and there are so many opportunities to do so many things that I don’t even know exist! Why would I limit myself to something?
And now… suddenly, I feel like I have to choose. I have to limit myself to doing something, choosing what I should do. It is so intimidating, exhausting, I feel like a teenager that just finished school and have to make life decisions - except I am an almost 40 year old now! Oh a 40 yr old who hurt her knees while doing some amazing yoga workshop. My brain, my heart, my body are not in sync right now.
I mean its not helping that I am writing this in a pms mood. That doesn’t help at all! I’ve spent this whole morning watching netflix and feeling guilty but not guilty about doing that! I should be grateful! I could’ve never done this in my old life. Afford to have such a day! never! so many people can’t! Work was survival, it was important and it became passion. Any work I did, whether it was teaching or decorating, selling or sorting through insurance claims. I never did it half heartedly.
This seems huge, a new era! And I am so scared that I want to crawl into the covers and hide (like literally because its so cold!). I am scared of driving myself to places - which I know I can. I am scared of applying for that internship. I am scared of taking up new opportunities. I am scared of disappointing my biggest cheerleader and support - my husband.
Writing this has made me realize how far I've come. How beautifully my life has changed and how I am so so grateful for it. I am scared but I know what I am scared of, will be beautiful to come. And I am not one not to take those opportunities! So soon…
Congratulations! You would never disappoint your biggest cheerleader nor any of us (your fans 🥰)
The next adventure will show and you will take it and succeed. Your whole life is a success story because you try with so much passion.
Give yourself a break and watch Netflix at peace with some nice food and a glass of wine 😎 for first time in the last years there’s no submission deadline on your neck.